The Simpsons Movie (Dvd)

The Simpsons film has come and gone, and with it the small amount of fanfare that had been built up. Left now are the bitter ashes of a film found on a five dollar call out shelf at Target.

When this originally came out I was excited to see it. The marathon that the Simpsons have participated in has been a grueling testament to Groening’s ability to disregard quality. This is coming from a man who still has a season pass of the Simpsons on his DVR, and willingly watches each episode. I feel like a pig that has been shot from the sewers as Homer yells after me, “It’s still good. It’s still good.”

I wanted the movie to be great. I wanted it to hearken back to those heady days when the tale of Nelson Muntz and his bosom chum Martin Prince were told, when Homer choose crab juice over Mountain Dew, or even Homer’s disastrous turn as a sugar salesman. I wanted something that couldn’t be delivered.

The story was big enough for the movies, the box-office takings were high enough, and everyone claimed that despite the resent turn the show had taken that the movie was good. But as I popped in the dvd and waited for the choir to sing, “The Simspons” I felt deflated.

This isn’t the feeling I get when I go rewatch “Bart Sells His Soul”, “The PTA Disbands”, or even “Bart on the Road”. These episodes I could watch right now and have myself an enjoyable 22 minutes of solid entertainment. But upon my second airing of the Simpsons Movie I found myself waiting for the end to release me. I didn’t want to stick around.

The story line was grandiose on a ridiculous scale. Some of my favorite moments in the Simpsons are simple and sweet while being humorous. When Bart gets medically turned into a nerd in “The Last Temptation of Homer” the gag isn’t monumental, the world doesn’t change, but the human emotion of not fitting in is universal. They didn’t need Springfield to be cupped in a large dome; they played off of real life. This has been the key to Simpsons connecting to everyone, something I feel they have stopped doing in the last couple of seasons and in this movie.

They also played with continuity. I know that is a stupid fanboy annoyance, but come on. You are dealing with an historical series here, get it right. Homer and Marge were married by themselves, no family with them! Bah!

While I laughed and enjoyed my second viewing of this film I won’t say I loved it. I won’t say the Simpsons Movie is a success – it isn’t. It is the continuation of the degradation of the brand name, and I will continue to purchase your wares no matter what…

4 out of 10: Where are your roots, friend? Find them.

Enchanted (Dvd) - Jennifer, Natania

Jennie and I had already seen this movie when it came out in theatres last year, but since my sister and her four year old daughter were coming to visit we decided to rent this with them. So, this will be a short review.

This movie was originally brought to Disney as an R rated film that poked fun at its history. Obviously Disney didn’t like that, but thought the overarching themes were smart enough. The next couple of years brought revisions and cast changes until you get the homogenized version that they released as a vehicle to get the young girls to spend money on princess merchandise. Giselle isn’t really a princess, but the idea is floated about with a quick marriage to a prince, but she never actually marries him.

The songs in this film do remind me of the golden era of Disney musicals (i.e. Beauty and the Beast (1991), Aladdin (1992), Lion King (1994), etc.). They even retain some of the jabs that I’m assuming the R rated version was full of: as Giselle begins “That’s How You Know” Patrick Dempsey’s character questions how both singers know the song when in fact he has never heard the song before in his life, and Giselle, seemingly, has never met the man she is singing with. This sort of irreverent humor gives this movie its best moments, but they are few and far between.

The film has a paper thin girl empowerment message which seems forced. The Disney princesses aren’t really role models in any since of the word. They all seem to find trouble and need to be rescued by a man. With Giselle, Disney rectifies this idea by having her save Patrick Dempsey all while in a lovely purple evening gown. A girl has to look her best. And despite the anti-love message of the first half of the film they all live happily ever after in perfect marital bliss. I can only imagine how the R rated version ended.

5 out of 10: Disney is finally able to capture the magic of its previous musicals, but as always melts it down till there is only a shadow of originality.

Resolved (HBO) - Both

Jennie and I often find the doldrums of summer are a catalyst to some of the worst television has to offer. Simply look at the lineup of the networks: Celebrity Circus, So You Think You Can Dance, and America’s Got Talent. This forces us to the barren wasteland of our digital cable as we search for something to watch.

Why don’t we do something active? Read books? Play strip poker? Something? Who knows, get off my back.

This particular night we stumbled upon a documentary that has been making the festival circuits. Now, I would be hard pressed to say that a documentary about policy debate garners any of my interest, but for some odd reason I stayed on the channel and Jennie and I were treated to a fantastic little film. You may have previously read my thesis on documentaries as of late, so I won’t go into the manipulation I’m sure occurred in the presentation, but I truly felt for these “characters”.

The documentary focuses on two sets of debaters, one from a highly prestigious Texas school and another from an inner city California school. The film at first focuses on how debate has mutated to its current state that is a speed read (sp-read) contest to see who can up the body count till one team proves the other team’s solution will cost more to humanity. The two teams the movie focuses on use vastly different strategies from this, now common, strategy and are successful in varying degrees.

Greg Whiteley, the director, uses cartoons and celebrities to push along the agendas and describe the action as it unfolds. This method is used by many of the new documentaries and I find it to be a perfect way to keep one's interest in a particularly dull subject. The team from the inner city eventually stands out as the true heroes of this film as they mount an attack on policy debate itself. They believe that just winning trough shear volume of arguments read isn’t true debate. Their noble attack leads to the climax of the film which finds them confusing debate teams across California as they deconstruct the very act of debate. We cheered as the bewildered opponents shuffled their stacks of paper and grumbled that they couldn’t understand what was going on. But, as the Clash have taught us, if you fight the law, the law will win. And in light of this inevitability the team eventually falls, but it works for the film.

6 out of 10: Whiteley turns policy debate into movie magic!

The Mist (Dvd) - Both

This is the forth Steven King adaptation for Frank Darabont. His previous works include The Shawshank Redemption (1994) and The Green Mile (1999). This leads me to believe he just found out that Steven King actually writes horror novels, but better late than never I guess. Darabont does a pretty good job with his first horror film allowing the horror to be human drama and not just blood and guts, which most horror films rely on these days. He also altered King’s original ending opting for a much grimmer finale.

This film quickly gets to the point. Ten minutes in and we are at our main set piece, a grocery store, and paranoia is brewing. The film is set in a small Maine town where a mist is quickly approaching after a particularly bad thunderstorm. At this ten minute mark a man runs into the grocery store alerting the principle actors to an unknown danger in the mist. The crowded store huddles in fear as the mist surrounds the now barricaded building. There is no further explanation as to why anyone should be afraid of this mist, but everyone buys into it and we begin our standoff. The group realizes, through deadly trial and error, that inhuman beasts inhabit the mist and any attempt to leave the store results in mutilation. The hysteria builds as a religious zealot claims the end is nigh, and converts soon begin to follow her. The level heads begin to plot an escape and while doing so find out that the beasts in the mist are inter-dimensional beings brought to earth through a dimensional-door opened by the military. This sounds ridiculous, but, frankly, I didn’t care. I went along for the ride, and was happy I did so. (On a side note: Turn off your brain sometimes and you will be pleasently surprised.) Eventually a group tries to escape the store and drive hoping they may find an end to the mist. The gas runs out and the survivors, realizing a horrible death awaits if they leave the car, take the quick way out. Since they only have four bullets and five individuals the male lead quickly murders the rest and exits the car screaming for the beasts to come.

This particularly grim ending is just one of the fantastic choices Darabont makes in this adaptation. King’s story ends with the survivors hearing one word out of the scrambled car radio, “Hartford.” They then head towards Hartford and the story ends. Darabont’s ending feels more realistic as it is missing the glimmer of hope. Darabont’s design crew also does an amazing job of making the fantastic creatures that inhabit the mist. My favorite shot in the movie happens as the band of survivors drive towards the unknown and a massive beast the size of a 10 story building walks out of the mist ignoring the small vehicle at its massive feet. On the flip side of the fantastic coin is Darabont’s ability to focus on the drama and horror of mob mentality. The religious zealot is able to be just as horrific and diabolical as the inter-dimensional beasts that rip people limb from limb. This isn’t to say Darbont’s film is perfect. The religious zealot is verbose and boarders on annoying at times. The mob seems all to willing to turn emotionally on a dime. And while the designs for the creatures were intense the effects crew did a particularly crude job in their execution of said designs. As a fan of Sci-Fi take my recommendation with a grain of salt. If you can’t believe in the fantastic don’t bother with this.

6 out of 10 – A satisfying Sci-Fi horror film that uses both human and inhuman horrors to tweak your nerves.

The Orphanage (Dvd) - Both

I had heard very little about this film. I just knew it was a horror film and had been out around Lansing playing somewhere at some point in time. Being that Jennie is a horror buff I figured we would give this a shot. By the time I popped it in the DVD player I found out that Guillermo del Toro was presenting this film (I’ve never been sure what that even means) and that it was Spanish language film. So my hopes had reason from interested to anticipatory.

I was greatly disappointed. The film is about a family who moves into a now defunct orphanage. Laura, the mother, was previously a resident of this orphanage and the first scene depicts her as a child playing with her orphan chums. After she is adopted the movie jumps thirty years to when she arrives at the house with her husband and child. She has adopted a son who has a group of invisible friends and a secret. He unknowingly has aids, a secret his mother keeps from him. I only point this out because the movie initially makes a big deal about this in the first twenty minutes or so, but then drops it all together after the boy finds out about it. The purpose of the young child having this disease was lost on me.

I’m sure you can figure out what happens simply by hearing this set up, but I’ll give you the nickle tour anyways. One of the boy’s invisible friends actually ends up being the ghost of one of the Laura’s orphan friends. This ghost friend supposedly kidnaps the boy and the mother is then forced to search for her lost son. After six months the father gives up looking while the mother swears ghosts have her child. In her search she finds out that right after she left the orphanage after being adopted the orphans accidentally killed one of their own. In an act of vengeance a worker at the orphanage kills all of the remaining orphans (the original murdered orphan was her child – I ask, then why was he at an orphanage? Who knows.). And, in my opinion, Laura surely would have heard of this massacre when she purchased the old orphanage but she seems unaware of it. Laura solves the decades old murder case and is then given the key to finding her lost son by the now happy ghosts.

I can’t tell you how much I hate this style of horror film. Do dead children always come back to have other people help solve their murder cases? There are so many movies out their like this, The Others (2001), Stir of Echoes (1999), the Ring (2002), must I go on? I figured since this was a foreign film this might be different. Maybe outside of America there is some originality.

3 out of 10 – Nothing here is original, it isn’t even that frightening. Though if your child is murdered fear not, he or she will eventually help solve their own murder case.

Lars and the Real Girl (Dvd) - Jennie

This quaint romantic comedy is propelled by a role that Ryan Gosling disappears in and some very dark comedy. It revolves around a small town’s acceptance of Lars’ new girlfriend who just happens to be a life-sized sex doll.

Gosling plays Lars as a joyful yet reserved hermit who has lost the ability to be comforted by touch. After a coworker introduces him to Real Dolls, which is a company that creates plastic ultra realistic sex toys, Lars orders one and begins a delusion that she is real and has come from a foreign local to be his girlfriend. His sister-in-law in a desperate attempt to connect with the emotionally and physically distant Lars accepts this delusion and forces Lars brother, her husband, to go along with the ruse. Gosling’s Lars seems genuinely delusional and as the brother accepts that he will have to live with Lars’ mental issue he begins to ask the town to play along as well. This acts as the meat of the plot and it plays like an episode of the Gilmore Girls.

The small town seems to love the crazy Lars and go so far as to give his fake significant other a job, cut her hair, and party with her. In one particularly foolish scene the man-made female sits in front of a gaggle of children with a tape player on her lap as she “reads” them a story. An on looking adult smiles pleasantly as the children stare at the expressionless sex toy. I say this plays like an episode of the Gilmore Girls because the whole town seems in on it without any animosity. They joyfully dance with her at a birthday party, they keep a schedule of her activities, and the doctor treats her ailments. The deceptively cute Kelli Garner eventually pulls Lars back into the real world and provokes the climax in which the town throws a mock funeral for Lars’ now deceased toy.

I was pleasantly surprised that Nancy Oliver, the writer, didn’t fall for the usual trappings that accompany plots like this. There was never any ill will towards Lars by some angry-for-no-reason punk kid. The brother, despite not liking the game, plays along the whole time and never forces Lars to quit. I feel these things were obvious roads to travel down, but she didn’t take them. It did take away from the realism, but that is a casualty I was willing to suffer. I also have to add that Paul Schneider, who played the brother, did a fantastic job and should be called on more often then I am aware of.

6 out of 10 – a relatively harmless romantic comedy that timidly breaks the mold.

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (Dvd) - Jennie

I enjoy Harry Potter. I love the magical realm that his world is built around. When I was younger my favorite movies were Labyrinth (1986) & Never Ending Story (1984). So, I have magical credentials. I’m not some fussbudget that can’t get into a magical story. But this film hinged on the ability to accept the fact that a store could create magical fun, and this wonder and awe was not created by the film’s director. Helm, who directed this train wreck and wrote Stranger Than Fiction (2006), did not get the viewer to retreat to the magical world the film was set in and thus the story seemed ludicrous and childish. Now, I understand that this film was for young children, but even films like Zathura – A Space Adventure (2005) got me to become part of that world while watching. I guess I was supposed to feel excitement when a room completely filled with bouncy balls was depicted, but I just didn’t buy it. I guess I was supposed to be amazed when Portman picked a red fire engine out from a book and the real thing appeared from nowhere, but who cares. I guess I was supposed to – well, I’m not sure what the zebra was doing there, but I didn’t feel anything about it either.
The acting itself was blandly stifled much like the magic. With stars like Bateman, Portman, and Hoffman I would have expected more, but I guess they figured out what a misstep this would be and quit trying. Hoffman was annoying to witness choosing to have his character lisp and seem child like in everyway possible. And I usually root for the child who is the outcast in films like these. I remember watching Never Ending Story and thinking. “I hope Bastian gets away from these bullies and wins the day,” or whatever eight year olds think. But Zach Mills, who plays Eric, was irretating. I did not want him to succeed in anything he did.
The emotional center of the film hinged on the fact that we believed in the store, its' magic, and most importantly ourselves. These beliefs helped the store restore its magic after its founder dies. It also helped me die a little inside. This is the second most played out message in kid cenema today behind believe in your friends – I fear for this next generation of children.
This movie was an overall disaster, from its played out friendless protanganst to its over zealous five year old store owner. I can’t tell you how bad it was.

1 out of 10: There is nothing redeaming about this.

Gone Baby Gone (Dvd) - Both

I have picked this movie up from Blockbuster at least two times. Jennifer and I could never bring ourselves to watch it. I’m not really sure why, but I think it has to do with the same magical force that does not allow us to watch all of our tivoed episodes of Law & Order. I think you just have to be in the mood for a crime drama.

The remaining paragraphs contain major spoilers so don’t read it if you don’t want the ending or the plot revealed, but then go watch it. It is certainly worth the four dollar rental charge.

Gone Baby Gone is a tale told in two acts. The separation from each act is so clean that it is almost two distinct tales. Kenzie (Casey Affleck) is a straitlaced private detective in a suburb of Boston, Mass. He is hired by the aunt of a young girl who has been kidnapped. The mother of the girl, the deservedly Oscars nominated Amy Ryan, replays her view of the kidnapping. This tale involves child negligence and indifference to the girls well being, she is presented as a wholly unfit mother. While pursuing the kidnapped child Kenzie joins forces with the detective on the case, Remy (Ed Harris). The two uncover a drug trafficking ring which the young girl’s mother seems tied to and they attempt to retrieve the girl. This plan goes sour and the first act ends with the victims death. As the second act progresses it slowly is revealed that Remy, the detective on the case, and the Uncle of the girl, played the by fabulously mustached Titus Welliver, are somehow tied to the kidnapping and the act of the victims botched retrieval was a lie. The little girl is still alive – hidden from the public. This kidnapping was never a drug-related act but an uncle’s act of salvation for the young girl. The uncle believes that the child would be better off outside of the mother’s reach. These details give the audience a dilemma and as Affleck’s character draws closer to the girls location the audience is seemingly forced to make a choice. Would you want a child to be reunited with a mother who barely wants her and who’s negligence has already put the child’s life at risk, or would you want the child to be raised by absolute stranger’s albeit well meaning absolute strangers? The obvious answer for the viewer, in my opinion, is to allow the girl to remain kidnapped and leave her alone. Affleck’s character cannot seem to allow this to happen though. Previously in the film Affleck’s character is given the chance to kill a child molester after stumbling into his den of iniquity and he takes his opportunity. The audience and the cops praise his character for performing this act of pesticide. However, Affleck’s character hates himself for this act. He feels he is morally repugnant for his impetus. And as the conundrum of leaving the girl be or reuniting her with her mother is presented he chooses the latter. Is this the morally correct choice? It certainly is the legally correct choice. And this is the brilliance of this film. After it ended I turned to Jennie and we discussed our particular views on the outcomes, did the child molester deserve death, should Affleck leave the girl with the well meaning family?

This being Ben Affleck’s first successful venture into film’s in a while it seems his course is laid out for him. He is an impressive director with a surefooted feel for Boston and its people. His script wasn’t dumbed down and provoked genuine discussion after the film.

8 out of 10: a well made crime drama that elicits a response. Ben Affleck should keep his seat behind the camera.